Now I’d like to get into some of my gripes, some of which you /do/ see in the games as errors and some that you don’t that’re in here. I’ll start fire and foremost with the military aspect of things. Firstly any enlisted man would know *never* to call a NCO or enlisted person “sir.” So they’d either call Johnson as “Sergeant” or “Sarge.”

Secondly the term “ten-four” is a part of civilian radio protocols and not necessarily the UNSC’s or any militaries. The term “roger” or “affirmative” would be better suited. Otherwise the radio chatter was spot-on in terms of Halo canon.

Now onto other things. When Carter rejoins with Williams, not a Flood Combat Form, it didn’t really sit well with me. For one he was simply trying to survive and then seeing his friend and running to him in such fashion without an ounce of caution bugged me. But I could deal with it and I’m sure an audience could.

However, I do feel when he got dropped that instead of having the typical (and what I would say anticipated) pan to where we see him get totally covered by Infection Forms, I’d say a small revisal to that part should be in order. What I mean is simply that when he is sitting there with the Flood Combat Form on top of him and the Infection Forms racing towards him you should have the camera pan to a birds eye view like before.

But then it should cut to his hand gripping a grenade from somewhere on his person and him pressing the button to activate it. Now per Halo lore there is a failsafe on the grenade where it has to actually come into contact with the ground in order for it to trigger the three-second countdown ’til the big boom happens. He should slam his fist (with grenade in hand) into the dirt and hold the grenade up where it is visible.

I think watching him kill himself and take the Flood with him would be far more satisfying and less cliche than him just being overcome by the Flood. It would be something that people who may have liked Carter can look at and respect as well as people who didn’t really care for him. In short, it would just be a smart move on his part and I’m sure people would appreciate it.

Also I wish that the Marines got a bit more ‘screen time’. I would have definitely loved to have seen a segment about Alpha Base or something that at least hinted at the human forces having a base of operations. It isn’t a big deal but it would have helped.

As well as a little more dialogue between the Marines. Just stuff like taunts or tactical chatter or stuff to characterize them more. Something that would inherently make the audience feel more for the additional characters like Jenkins or Mendoza and etc. It would just really make things a bit better.

Now onto the next part (getting away from the criticism here); your departure from moments that occurred in the game (such as what happens directly after the Chief gets out of cryo) in your script was refreshing and I loved it. I really thought it was good.

I adored the fact you told a two-pronged story here. The Covenant arc was perfect and I have no gripes at all. It was simply what I had hoped would happen. The fight scenes in this were also great, especially when the Chief meets with the Emissary and kicks his ass. Perfect scene. And your dialogue with the Chief, Cortana, Johnson, and Keyes… all spot on. I thoroughly enjoyed it and the attention to detail.

Overall, I am REALLY impressed and as a sidenote: I think your opening scene would have people clapping and cheering before the movie even actually started. Seeing the Chief out in space and then seeing the ring only for it to fade and show the Halo title with the theme playing in background as the most well-crafted idea out of all of them. I would definitely be clapping and cheering, plus probably saying “Sick!” or “awesome!”

So bravo, man! And I know you put a lot of work in and all but… can we see a sequel script? I’d LOVE to see what you’d put in the movie version of Halo 2. Thanks for giving a great read! See you!

Randomly after watching a few cutscenes, the halo superbowl trailer, re reading the first chapters of some of nylunds books on kindle…. I had a thought.

Instead of a big blockbuster live action movie, would it be a good idea for the guys behind that spot (primarily) and the halo wars cutscenes (secondarily) to make a full on CGI halo movie?

It could be the fall of reach origin story if that were the case since it didnt have to be so appealing to a wider audience. Or it could be as your script kinda made it here and possibly still be targeted to more people. Kinda weird to think about and there are a bunch of implications. I mean pixar and dreamworks has made it ok to have animated films. But they are still wolves in kid movie disguises, whereas this might not have enough of a disguise. Also clearly pixar has the lock on the talent that can bring a full feature film length cgi to life fully. But then again, TV shows (clone wars) can be made, so I gotta think the grunt work of the CGI can be made efficient so the taste we got in the superbowl spot – with all its integrity, personality, dynamism – intact (I mean i have never seen the facial expressions done so well like what we saw on the kids in the field).

Anyway, I’m just saying, lots of the big fighting that goes into making it a proper live action film people could get behind might be non-issues or less of a sticking point if it were a CGI thing. It just would not be a blockbuster thing anymore – which i dont mind if we get to see it! this of course means it needs to cost a lot less to make than live action was budgeted to be.

The Prophet. He was a great “evil” Covenant character, and it is highly resonable that he would act this way.

The Supreme Commander. I liked to see him as having a relationship with Vadumee’ and seeing how he was before being an Arbiter. That sure filled up a lot of gaps in the story arc.

And basiclly all the Covenant. I really love seeing the Covenant’s story being told, because of all the betrayl. Their story will really keep you on your feet.

Some complaints…

I think the Prophet should appear right until it is almost the end. He was an evil I think should have lasted longer to build suspension.

You didn’t really mention the characters name in the diolouge, making you wonder sometimes. Just add a few names in the dialouge occasionaly, and it will seem natural.

All in all, I think this should be a Halo movie and it has inspired me even. I might just whip up a script. Thank you for showing the fans side of how the film should be.

First, the hunter fight under the Truth and Reconciliation. While I love the way you finished off the second Hunter, you and I both know very well that one sniper shot wouldn’t kill the first one. For one thing, Hunters are not a single organism, but a colony of worm-like creatures, so while a shot might kill several of the individual worms, it would not be enough to kill a Hunter. If nothing else, it would split into two sections, separated at the waist. This would also be an excellent place to place a nod to the Halo community, and use an idea from Monty Oum’s Haloid by having the chief stick a plasma grenade into the Hunter’s armor as it is stunned by the sniper shot. Then, you could have the other Hunter bellow in rage, and while it does so the Chief mounts it, rather than having the Chief climb up on it as it is distracted.

The second issue I had was with the Library. While I completely understand and support having Spark simply teleport the Chief to the index, There is a reason he did not do so originally. Whether there is fictional support for the way the Library played (say a teleport block on all areas of the Library except the location Spark took him to) or not, the level gives us time to become comfortable with Spark. This relationship development is crucial no-so-later on when we find out he has been deceiving us all along and betrays us. As quirky, annoying, and suspicious as Spark is, we grew to trust him. I’m thinking the simplest solution to this would be to make the Library, rather than 5 circular levels, a single long one. A gauntlet, to prove the Reclaimer’s mettle, if you will. It wouldn’t have to be terribly long, perhaps two to three encounters with the flood (and perhaps an encounter with the “other” Reclaimer as a nod to the novel).

The final detail I took issue with, was at the end. While I fully understand the Chief’s going back and fighting Spark, the way you have Chief escape Halo is, to put it lightly, really kind of dumb. For example, why would Spark fly out of the Ring’s atmosphere with the Chief hanging on? What’s more, why would he wait until he had exited the atmosphere to fire on the Chief? Let’s consider an alternate way: After Foehammer dies, Cortana makes her line about a longsword fighter still being docked, however the dock is *back* where they had come from, rather than straight forward, but then Johnson cuts in and drops a one-liner (perhaps something pertaining to calling a cab) and picks them up in his pelican. Then you can still have the “Oh no, Spark is stopping the countdown” moment, but rather than having the Chief face Spark, he makes them drop him off at the engines where he fights his way through sentinels and flood to drop a grenade into one of the vents. He can then run for that longsword, while Cortana and Johnson are already escaping. Then, after the explosion, we can see the longsword and pelican approach each other in the debris after the “I can’t believe he’s gone” moment aboard the pelican.

Obviously, these are just rough ideas of alternate scenes in the fashion that I would use, and are of course in need of major refinement and retouching. They are simply examples of ways to better develop those particular portions of the story. I am in no way a professional in this field, but like you, Voci, I am a fan of film and obsessed with Halo and wish for a marriage of the two to be nothing less than perfect.

That said, I think that the story could benefit from following the game’s plot even less (in terms of streamlining the story.) While the silent cartographer is an excellent mission, rather than have small vignettes as you have written it might be more coherent to fudge geography and flow straight to the control room. I also think that emphasizing the marine’s roles would be better as well; the Carter-Williams bit doesn’t add much in my opinion; perhaps it would if massaged (I’m treating the entire thing like a rough treatment, and not what would end up being filmed). Viewers aren’t necessarily going to want to go back to the swamp not once but twice and then three times.

The only other gripe is you have a habit of tacking on dialogue to the end of scenes which doesn’t add much; it’s often better to just cut it cold.

on the plus side; i love the accuracy, everything that i read i could really imagine happening in the halo universe and stuck to the general feel that i love from the games and would like to see on the big screen. i also like the ferocity of the chiefs attacks, he was bred as a cold killer and although heroic in many respects this point needs to be put across.

however, and i’m aware this is just a fan boy moan, but hell i can be fairly opinionated i’ve played the games and i know the score, for me i’d find it more interesting if the movies followed other branches of the halo plot to come to the same conclusion. while its obvious the master chief is the main hero of the trilogy i think that following his actions in a more subtle way, through other characters, could be more interesting.

saying that however its obvious you put much time and effort into this and came out with a very good result, its highly entertaining and i enjoyed reading it. thank you.