Well, very sad to see you go, I just stumbled upon this site again, and enjoyed every minute of it (there were at least 50).

–HC Mongoose

Now I’d like to get into some of my gripes, some of which you /do/ see in the games as errors and some that you don’t that’re in here. I’ll start fire and foremost with the military aspect of things. Firstly any enlisted man would know *never* to call a NCO or enlisted person “sir.” So they’d either call Johnson as “Sergeant” or “Sarge.”

Secondly the term “ten-four” is a part of civilian radio protocols and not necessarily the UNSC’s or any militaries. The term “roger” or “affirmative” would be better suited. Otherwise the radio chatter was spot-on in terms of Halo canon.

Now onto other things. When Carter rejoins with Williams, not a Flood Combat Form, it didn’t really sit well with me. For one he was simply trying to survive and then seeing his friend and running to him in such fashion without an ounce of caution bugged me. But I could deal with it and I’m sure an audience could.

However, I do feel when he got dropped that instead of having the typical (and what I would say anticipated) pan to where we see him get totally covered by Infection Forms, I’d say a small revisal to that part should be in order. What I mean is simply that when he is sitting there with the Flood Combat Form on top of him and the Infection Forms racing towards him you should have the camera pan to a birds eye view like before.

But then it should cut to his hand gripping a grenade from somewhere on his person and him pressing the button to activate it. Now per Halo lore there is a failsafe on the grenade where it has to actually come into contact with the ground in order for it to trigger the three-second countdown ’til the big boom happens. He should slam his fist (with grenade in hand) into the dirt and hold the grenade up where it is visible.

I think watching him kill himself and take the Flood with him would be far more satisfying and less cliche than him just being overcome by the Flood. It would be something that people who may have liked Carter can look at and respect as well as people who didn’t really care for him. In short, it would just be a smart move on his part and I’m sure people would appreciate it.

Also I wish that the Marines got a bit more ‘screen time’. I would have definitely loved to have seen a segment about Alpha Base or something that at least hinted at the human forces having a base of operations. It isn’t a big deal but it would have helped.

As well as a little more dialogue between the Marines. Just stuff like taunts or tactical chatter or stuff to characterize them more. Something that would inherently make the audience feel more for the additional characters like Jenkins or Mendoza and etc. It would just really make things a bit better.

Now onto the next part (getting away from the criticism here); your departure from moments that occurred in the game (such as what happens directly after the Chief gets out of cryo) in your script was refreshing and I loved it. I really thought it was good.

I adored the fact you told a two-pronged story here. The Covenant arc was perfect and I have no gripes at all. It was simply what I had hoped would happen. The fight scenes in this were also great, especially when the Chief meets with the Emissary and kicks his ass. Perfect scene. And your dialogue with the Chief, Cortana, Johnson, and Keyes… all spot on. I thoroughly enjoyed it and the attention to detail.

Overall, I am REALLY impressed and as a sidenote: I think your opening scene would have people clapping and cheering before the movie even actually started. Seeing the Chief out in space and then seeing the ring only for it to fade and show the Halo title with the theme playing in background as the most well-crafted idea out of all of them. I would definitely be clapping and cheering, plus probably saying “Sick!” or “awesome!”

So bravo, man! And I know you put a lot of work in and all but… can we see a sequel script? I’d LOVE to see what you’d put in the movie version of Halo 2. Thanks for giving a great read! See you!